uhhh ... i'm thinking it's time to read the dharma bums*

i'm in colorado right now, in a funny state of mind. funny as in, amusing to me. funny as in, i don't want to explain how i got here because i don't want to reference the past, or how long i'll be here because i don't want to reference the future. funny as in, ha ha. sitting at this granite countertop tap tap tapping away. 

i'm very much floating, buoyed by the natural beauty of my environment. colorado is unreal gorgeous. last night i watched buffalo playing and cavorting at sunset for like 45 minutes, the city lights twinkling on in the background. 

i'm staying near boulder, where the 50th annual jack kerouac school of disembodied poetics summer program is happening at naropa. i'm not actually here for that -- i came to colorado for a family reunion and am staying out west through early july to do a poetry reading in montana, spend time with family and friends, and be outside -- but i'm planning to stop by the campus to check it out.

in preparation, i watched a little documentary about the school, in which a mellow older man's commentary on early "town-gown relations" surprised me. he said that the poets who founded the jack kerouac school, among them anne waldman and allen ginsberg, were seen as untrustworthy sophisticates -- "hotshot bicoastal poets," he called them -- when they came to town, breeding skepticism and some unease among the locals. 

i have to say i was delighted by this description of them; even though, of course, it's historically accurate, i feel like it's fair to say that a lot of these poets are remembered as of a piece with the hippie culture of boulder. i liked the idea of locals being shocked by their worldliness, contorting their minds around this rush of new life. it took my mental image of naropa and the beats out of the realm of stereotype and back into reality, which i always appreciate. and it made me feel freshly interested, hearing naropa spoken about as this oasis for artists moving back and forth between west and east coast metropolises. 

from anne waldman's 'fast speaking woman'

it made me think about where naropa fits within that culture, and why something like naropa is needed. i think it's largely because artists get exhausted by the grind of the city. it's why they appreciated it then, and why i'm appreciating it now: at the risk of sounding corny, my soul really feels cleansed here, bathed in the beauty of the environment and the silence, the silence i always crave in my life in new york. it made me think about why artists are drawn to buddhism, with its emphasis on inner silence -- perhaps by fortifying a spiritual practice that's focused on tapping into inner silence, we can steel ourselves against the chaos of a place like new york. it also made me think about the dharma bums, which i'd considered picking up as part of my engagement with the jack kerouac school. being part of both a cosmopolitan art scene and the great big world of mountains and rivers is its central theme. (it was a central theme of my latest chapbook, too -- it's something i think about a lot.) 

well, that's really all i wanted to say for now. i will leave you with some pictures of the colorado landscape. today i am going for a hike around bear lake at rocky mountain national park. hope everybody reading this had a nice summer solstice and is enjoying the new season. xx 

*update from after the trip: i tried to pick up the dharma bums but couldn't do it lol. i made an earnest attempt -- returned thrice to the bookshelf at trident bookstore to leaf through it. every time, i winced at the dialect and lack of subtlety (in both tone and perspective... i'm sure this book was revelatory at the time but it just hasn't aged well... i'd wanted to embrace it but i just... ughhh... ). i was much more engaged by a long biography of kerouac that sat next to the dharma bums on the shelf, called memory babe. 

nail diary 3

silver toes & nails @ majestic nails near parents' (may) -- color: opi's "silver on ice"

red toes & white nails @ qq nails in chelsea (april) -- toe color: essie's "e-nuf is e-nuf" & a smooth white like fresh snow on the fingers, gel in an unlabeled color 

street life 2

i drive to the biker bar in bombay beach

i drive to the bookstore in aberdeen, montana

i drive to physical therapy in my hometown

i drive to big bend national park 

i drive to arches national park 

i drive to my boyfriend's house up north 

i drive to my boyfriend's house in the hills

i drive thru the pines on unpaved roads 

i drive cross-country in a silver chevy

i drive like theresa in her alfa romeo spider 

no car shifts better - like a knife thru butter

i learn to drive stick on bulltown road 

and i drive to new york before i live here  

and i drive to the ocean after  

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my cars

2002 volkswagen jetta (navy blue)

2012 chevrolet cruze (silver) 

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a song from my surf rock phase of 2021 

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incomplete list of poems i've written while driving

dream, come true 

when it all falls down 

formation zero 

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and she said if you lived in brighton beach would you keep your car

and i said if i figured out how to keep my car on the streets of downtown manhattan then i will figure out how to keep my car anywhere